ERICH ORIGEN Avatar
Joyeux Noël, Ultra ChômeurView Post

Joyeux Noël, Ultra Chômeur

View Post

Dear Mr. Cratchit

Dear Mr. Cratchit

Dear Mr. Cratchit:

Another year come and gone, aye, Cratchit? I couldn’t help notice you put EXTRA coal in the stove this morning. What are you, cold? Put on a coat, for heaven’s sake!

Cratchit, I wonder: Does a poor bastard such as yourself even realize…

View Post

Unemployed Man Lands in France

Unemployed Man can add international travel to his résumé, because the French edition of The Adventures of Unemployed Man—Les Adventures D’Ultra Chômeur—is now available in France! 

In many ways, the cognitive dissonance in the book is even funnier in…

View Post

This Fall’s Hottest Bombs

The Bomb

NEWS FROM THE FUTURE 

Washington, DC—This fall’s lineup of bombs was unveiled at a star-studded runway show at the White House.

“It’s hard to remember,” said one centenarian in attendance. “But there was a time when bombs were instruments of widespread…

View Post

Silicon Valley Homeless Taught Jargon Needed to Succeed

In an effort to help homeless people bootstrap themselves out of poverty and discover their added value to society, a cross-functional team of Silicon Valley executives was deployed to local homeless camps to teach mission-critical business and technology…

View Post

IT MAKES YOU WANT TO CRY
Above: “Colonial Room” at the Ahwanee Hotel in Yosemite, available for corporate retreats.
A large…View Post

IT MAKES YOU WANT TO CRY

Above: “Colonial Room” at the Ahwanee Hotel in Yosemite, available for corporate retreats.

A large…

View Post

JUDGEMENT DAY: MY JUDGEMENT OF YOU IS AT HAND

This Blows

My Judgment of you, the everlasting criticism of your failings and poor choices, must shortly come to pass.

Continue reading JUDGEMENT DAY: MY JUDGEMENT OF YOU IS AT HAND on Funny or Die.

View Post

Christopher Hitchens Undefeated in Heaven’s Octagon

Christopher Hitchens, Champion of Heaven

HEAVEN — Christopher “Hitch” Hitchens entered Heaven’s Octagon to face his first opponent since successfully defending his title against the famed sucker-punch artist William F. Buckley earlier this year. Last night’s no-holds-barred title fight saw him…

View Post

Right-Wing Detective: Wasted Genius

Right-Wing Detective

The creek was moving fast today, and I watched as a stick, caught up by the torrent of water, was forced against the iron grate. For a long moment I stared at that stick, pinned there, powerless to resist the currents pushing it forward, unable to remove…

View Post

Right-Wing Detective: Lost Soul

Right-Wing Detective

I’m Dick White, Right-Wing Detective. I’m dead right, every time. But sometimes I have to exercise moral discretion. That’s why values are vital, as you’re about to learn.

Continue reading Right-Wing Detective: Lost Soul on Funny or Die.

View Post

George Zimmerman Now Dating Paula Deen

Paula Deen and George Zimmerman

Sanford, FL — In the aftermath of George Zimmerman’s acquittal, perhaps the most shocking news is that disgraced celebrity chef Paula Deen is now dating George Zimmerman.

Witnesses say Deen met Zimmerman outside the courtroom, where she hugged Zimmerman…

View Post

NANCY REAGAN’S AFFAIR WITH GARY COLEMAN STUNS WORLD

Nancy and Gary

Washington, DC — Apart from her use of psychics and ritual seances, Nancy Reagan was seen as the one member of the Reagan family above scandal, criticism, or even drama. That image was shattered by new revelations that the First Lady had a long, lurid…

View Post

Nelly’s Post-Apocalyptic Grandchildren Sob in Disbelief

The long-anticipated catastrophic ecological collapse continues to take its toll on humanity, with oxygen completely depleted from the atmosphere except at sea level, mankind now clings to life in the remains of former coastal communities. One such place…

View Post

Obama Returns from Africa with Plan to Sell Southern Whites in Africa from Erich Origen

Obama Returns from Africa with Plan to Sell Southern Whites in Africa from Erich Origen