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IT MAKES YOU WANT TO CRY
Above: “Colonial Room” at the Ahwanee Hotel in Yosemite, available for corporate retreats.
A large…View Post

IT MAKES YOU WANT TO CRY

Above: “Colonial Room” at the Ahwanee Hotel in Yosemite, available for corporate retreats.

A large…

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JUDGEMENT DAY: MY JUDGEMENT OF YOU IS AT HAND

This Blows

My Judgment of you, the everlasting criticism of your failings and poor choices, must shortly come to pass.

Continue reading JUDGEMENT DAY: MY JUDGEMENT OF YOU IS AT HAND on Funny or Die.

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Christopher Hitchens Undefeated in Heaven’s Octagon

Christopher Hitchens, Champion of Heaven

HEAVEN — Christopher “Hitch” Hitchens entered Heaven’s Octagon to face his first opponent since successfully defending his title against the famed sucker-punch artist William F. Buckley earlier this year. Last night’s no-holds-barred title fight saw him…

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Right-Wing Detective: Wasted Genius

Right-Wing Detective

The creek was moving fast today, and I watched as a stick, caught up by the torrent of water, was forced against the iron grate. For a long moment I stared at that stick, pinned there, powerless to resist the currents pushing it forward, unable to remove…

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Right-Wing Detective: Lost Soul

Right-Wing Detective

I’m Dick White, Right-Wing Detective. I’m dead right, every time. But sometimes I have to exercise moral discretion. That’s why values are vital, as you’re about to learn.

Continue reading Right-Wing Detective: Lost Soul on Funny or Die.

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George Zimmerman Now Dating Paula Deen

Paula Deen and George Zimmerman

Sanford, FL — In the aftermath of George Zimmerman’s acquittal, perhaps the most shocking news is that disgraced celebrity chef Paula Deen is now dating George Zimmerman.

Witnesses say Deen met Zimmerman outside the courtroom, where she hugged Zimmerman…

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NANCY REAGAN’S AFFAIR WITH GARY COLEMAN STUNS WORLD

Nancy and Gary

Washington, DC — Apart from her use of psychics and ritual seances, Nancy Reagan was seen as the one member of the Reagan family above scandal, criticism, or even drama. That image was shattered by new revelations that the First Lady had a long, lurid…

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Nelly’s Post-Apocalyptic Grandchildren Sob in Disbelief

The long-anticipated catastrophic ecological collapse continues to take its toll on humanity, with oxygen completely depleted from the atmosphere except at sea level, mankind now clings to life in the remains of former coastal communities. One such place…

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Obama Returns from Africa with Plan to Sell Southern Whites in Africa from Erich Origen

Obama Returns from Africa with Plan to Sell Southern Whites in Africa from Erich Origen

Financial Security for All Citizens
Like many of my fellow Americans, I was horrified when the Great Recession threw back the curtain…View Post

Financial Security for All Citizens

Like many of my fellow Americans, I was horrified when the Great Recession threw back the curtain…

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How to Raise a Wall Street Tycoon

The Thumb from The Adventures of Unemployed Man

1. Hire a surrogate mother and tell her to make a withdrawal from your Sperm Bank. Attractive poor women are plentiful in Eastern Europe. Avoid Central America—when was the last time you saw a brown one-percenter?

2. Give the young man a healthy sense of…

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How to Raise a Complete Badass

How to Raise a Complete Badass from Erich Origen

1. Eat beef jerky, have sex with the nearest female, and conceive yourself a boy.

2. Beginning while he’s still in the womb, play violent movies at full volume. Anything with explosions, handgun battles, screaming 24-7.

3. Supplement violent movies and…

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14 Truest Comics About Job-Searching After College
The Adventures of Unemployed Manis blowing up on Buzzfeed as “the absolutely stellar” showstopper…View Post

14 Truest Comics About Job-Searching After College

The Adventures of Unemployed Manis blowing up on Buzzfeed as “the absolutely stellar” showstopper…

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