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Christopher Hitchens Undefeated in Heaven’s Octagon

Christopher Hitchens, Champion of Heaven

HEAVEN — Christopher “Hitch” Hitchens entered Heaven’s Octagon to face his first opponent since successfully defending his title against the famed sucker-punch artist William F. Buckley earlier this year. Last night’s no-holds-barred title fight saw him…

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Right-Wing Detective: Wasted Genius

Right-Wing Detective

The creek was moving fast today, and I watched as a stick, caught up by the torrent of water, was forced against the iron grate. For a long moment I stared at that stick, pinned there, powerless to resist the currents pushing it forward, unable to remove…

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Right-Wing Detective: Lost Soul

Right-Wing Detective

I’m Dick White, Right-Wing Detective. I’m dead right, every time. But sometimes I have to exercise moral discretion. That’s why values are vital, as you’re about to learn.

Continue reading Right-Wing Detective: Lost Soul on Funny or Die.

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George Zimmerman Now Dating Paula Deen

Paula Deen and George Zimmerman

Sanford, FL — In the aftermath of George Zimmerman’s acquittal, perhaps the most shocking news is that disgraced celebrity chef Paula Deen is now dating George Zimmerman.

Witnesses say Deen met Zimmerman outside the courtroom, where she hugged Zimmerman…

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NANCY REAGAN’S AFFAIR WITH GARY COLEMAN STUNS WORLD

Nancy and Gary

Washington, DC — Apart from her use of psychics and ritual seances, Nancy Reagan was seen as the one member of the Reagan family above scandal, criticism, or even drama. That image was shattered by new revelations that the First Lady had a long, lurid…

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Nelly’s Post-Apocalyptic Grandchildren Sob in Disbelief

The long-anticipated catastrophic ecological collapse continues to take its toll on humanity, with oxygen completely depleted from the atmosphere except at sea level, mankind now clings to life in the remains of former coastal communities. One such place…

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Obama Returns from Africa with Plan to Sell Southern Whites in Africa from Erich Origen

Obama Returns from Africa with Plan to Sell Southern Whites in Africa from Erich Origen

Financial Security for All Citizens
Like many of my fellow Americans, I was horrified when the Great Recession threw back the curtain…View Post

Financial Security for All Citizens

Like many of my fellow Americans, I was horrified when the Great Recession threw back the curtain…

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How to Raise a Wall Street Tycoon

The Thumb from The Adventures of Unemployed Man

1. Hire a surrogate mother and tell her to make a withdrawal from your Sperm Bank. Attractive poor women are plentiful in Eastern Europe. Avoid Central America—when was the last time you saw a brown one-percenter?

2. Give the young man a healthy sense of…

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How to Raise a Complete Badass

How to Raise a Complete Badass from Erich Origen

1. Eat beef jerky, have sex with the nearest female, and conceive yourself a boy.

2. Beginning while he’s still in the womb, play violent movies at full volume. Anything with explosions, handgun battles, screaming 24-7.

3. Supplement violent movies and…

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14 Truest Comics About Job-Searching After College
The Adventures of Unemployed Manis blowing up on Buzzfeed as “the absolutely stellar” showstopper…View Post

14 Truest Comics About Job-Searching After College

The Adventures of Unemployed Manis blowing up on Buzzfeed as “the absolutely stellar” showstopper…

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LA Review of Books: The Adventures of Unemployed Man

lareviewofbooks:

JERVEY TERVALON, SUSAN OLDING, BRIAN ATTEBERY,
RACHEL NEWCOMB, and JAYNA BROWN with short takes on five new books.

Image from The Adventures of Unemployed Man by Erich Origen and Gan Golan
Courtesy of Little, Brown and Company
JERVEY TERVALON
Erich Origen and Gan Golan
The Adventures of Unemployed Man

Little, Brown, October 2010. 80 pp.

Let me tell you, nothing focuses one’s attention on the plight of the unemployed like humiliating, disorienting, emasculating unemployment, even if, now, the sting of it is mitigated by its sheer commonness. Who doesn’t know of horrible stories of rejection, tales of wholesale destruction of careers? For the last few years I’ve watched the slow-motion slaughter of the careers of my journalist friends, many of whom lost their jobs because of the super villainous machinations of one of the most despised men in journalism, The Zell, CEO of our dear, bankrupt hometown paper, the Los Angeles Times. Who among us, newspaper readers all, has not wanted to punch Zell in the kisser? And even so, he’s only a sidekick to the most evil of the bunch — Rupert Murdoch. Murdoch, the Darkseid of CEO’s — overseeing a ghoulish army of merciless minions impersonating journalists. As our time descends into economic chaos and general mayhem, the world often seems like an outsized comic book. And those who speak with the loudest and most hysterical voices seem as determined as any supervillain to set the entire country aflame.

The Adventures of Unemployed Man, by Erich Origen and Gan Golan, looks at the current economic tragedy with a comic book sensibility and a populist world view, bringing to mind the inventive genius of Jack Kirby and Stan Lee, with a 1960s underground-comic vibe, wit, and good nature. It tells the story of the economic decline of the United States through the travails of the vainglorious Ultimatum, a Batman-like character, who is at first a defender of the status quo, branding unto the foreheads of the unfortunate a reminder in the shape of a U that they are solely responsible for their economic misfortune, but a moment’s painful awakening reveals his naivete and how rigged and unfair the economic system is, and everything is torn from him — including his standing in his father’s former company, his palatial estate, and his fortune. He becomes the Unemployed Man! Beaten and bested at every turn, he finds refuge among the denizens of Cape Town, penniless superheroes who have formed a squatter’s camp. Eventually, Unemployed Man finds himself in the middle of rebellion against the unmitigated greed of Just Us, a villainous super group of CEOs, hedge fund operators, and Wall Street brokers.

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